Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Dale’s death. From my experience, its not good to ignore the day or Bobbie. Family that was here took Bobbie out for dinner. We shared fond memories of Dale. He was such a positive man, friendly to any one and very giving.
The death of a loved one changes your life forever. Bobbie and I have both found our self in the category of “widow.” My husband is dead but my husband is alive. I still write checks that have both of our names on it, at least until they run out. Mail still comes for Neal. I am Mrs. Neal Smith. My husband is gone. My husband remains.
Just yesterday I filled out a volunteer form and had to check the box “widow.” Every time I go to a new doctor or update a form I check the “widow”box. A constant reminder that my husband is gone yet remains.
I am a new person. I have to redefine myself. I am not defined by my past or my circumstances. Philip Yancey says in his book “Where is God When It Hurts?”that “faith believes ahead of time what can only be seen by looking back.” There will be a day when I will look back and understand, but in the waiting God is drawing me to Him, strengthening me, transforming me who He wants me to be. I am defined as a child of God, loved and forgiven. That’s what allows me to move forward and not get stuck on my circumstance or what isn’t.
God made me for a purpose. For a reason I may not yet know. I am trusting Him as I continue on my journey. “God is within her, she will not fall, God will help her at break of day.” Psalm 46.5
“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” St. Catherine of Siena
Let’s go set the world on fire!
On the journey,
Trish
