The stockings are all hung….

Sixteen stockings line my stair case.  It should be seventeen with Neal’s stocking.  I haven’t hung it the past three years but this year I decided to give it to my youngest grandson, Jonah Neal.  Since he bears Neal’s name, I felt I was in a good place with my grieving to put up the stocking.

Can you tell which stocking is my only granddaughter's?!
Can you tell which stocking is my only granddaughter’s?!
Neal's Christmas stocking
Neal’s Christmas stocking

img_0788For those of us that have lost a loved one the holidays can be very hard.  Things are not the way they used to be.  New traditions, a missing person at the dinner table, minus a Christmas stocking and presents, etc.  I certainly didn’t choose this path but here I am.  Every year gets a little easier.  I can think of Neal and not break down in tears all the time but smile as I remember some good times.    The angels told the shepherds, “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people.”  Luke 2:10.  Jesus Christ is the great gift that brings joy to all people.  Even in the hard times we can find joy in the person of Jesus.  Some days that seems like an impossibility but   I have found that if I look for the blessings each day and find things to be thankful for, my heart becomes full of love, joy and peace.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 tells us to be joyful, never stop praying and be thankful.

The tradition of Christmas stockings is said to have begun because of a kind nobleman named Nicholas’ actions.  He was born in 280 AD in Asia Minor.  When he was young Nicholas’wealthy parents died in an epidemic.  Nicholas became a Christian priest and used his riches to help the needy, the poor and the sick.  He dedicated his life to God’s service and became a bishop at a young age.  Traveling across the country he helped people, giving gifts of money and other presents.  However, Nicholas always gave his gifts late at night so his identity would remain a secret.  He didn’t like to be seen when he gave the presents away, so the children were told to go to sleep quickly or he would not come!  Eventually Nicholas was named the patron saint of the children and sailors (because of his concern for sailors and ships) and came to be known as Saint Nicholas.

One popular story of Saint Nicholas’ life and deeds tells of a poor peasant who lived in Nicholas’ home town with his wife and three daughters.  The wife suddenly died of an illness leaving the poor man and his three daughters in a state of despair when the daughters became marriageable age, the poor father became even more depressed because he knew he could not provide a dowry.  That meant his daughters would not likely marry.

Saint Nicholas heard of the poor man’s situation and wanted to help, but of course in secret.  So he went to the peasant’s house one night and waited for the family to go to bed.  Earlier that day the daughters had done their washing and had hung their stockings by the fireplace to dry.  When the lamps were turned off and the father and his daughters asleep, St. Nicholas tiptoed to the cottage window, saw the stockings and threw a bag of gold coins into one of the stockings.  There were enough coins for the girl’ dowry and they were now eligible to wed.

Dutch children in 16th century Holland, would leave their clogs by the hearth filled with hay for the reindeer and a treat for Sinterklaas.  In return, Sinterklaas would leave the children treats in their clogs.  Some say, the Dutch introduced the tradition to America.  The clogs became stockings, and the Saint became known to all in English as Santa Claus.

Clement Moore Clarke’s Christmas 1823 tale of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” is the earliest known reference to the Christmas stocking.  It is largely responsible  for some of the conceptions of Santa Claus from the mid 19th century to today.img_0786

Children all over the world continue the tradition of hanging Christmas stockings. Stockings cover our feet that take us on a journey mapped out by God.  May your journey lead you closer to the gift of this Christmas, the person of Jesus.  He fills our “stocking” with love, joy, peace, patience, strength as we journey through life.

My stockings will be hung yet for another week when my family will celebrate Christmas next weekend.  In the meantime, may you find joy and peace this Christmas in whatever traditions you hold.?❤️

On the journey,

Trish

 

Tips to Help a Widow

I mentioned a couple weekends ago I had attended a widows retreat sponsored by Starlight Ministries.  One of the speakers was author Miriam Neff, a widow herself.  Her ministry www.widowconnection.com. is committed to “helping widows in time of need.”  Her website is full of helpful articles and stories.  I would like to share one such article I found especially helpful for those of you who wonder how to help us widows.

7 Tips to Help a Widow by Miriam Neff:

  1.  Please do stay connected.  There is already a huge hole in our universe.  Do not assume we need ‘space’ to grieve.
  2. Please do say you are sorry for our lose.  We would rather you tell us you do not know what to say than to tell us your story of loosing your friend or even close relative.  We may be able to listen to your story later, but not now.  Do not tell us you understand.
  3. Do call and ask specifically, “Can we go for a walk together?  May I run errands for you?  Meet you for coffee?”  Don’t say, “Call me if you need anything.”
  4. Do refer to our husband’s acts or words – serious or humorous.  Do not leave our husbands out of the conversation.
  5. Invite us to anything.  We may decline but will appreciate being asked.  Do not assume we no longer want to participate in couple events.  ( I would add, do not make decisions for us.  Let us decide if we want to attend a function or not.)
  6. Do accept that we are where we are.  Marriages are brief, long, healthy, dysfunctional, intense, remote.  Death comes suddenly or in tiny increments over years.  Again our experiences are so different, as we are.  So is our journey through grief.  Do not assume we go through the outlined grief process ‘by the book.’
  7. Walk the talk.  Do not make ‘conversation only’ offers.  “We’ll call you and will go out for dinner.” – and then not follow up.  Yes, we are sensitive in our grieving, but we’d rather hear you say, “I’ve been thinking about you”, than make a ‘conversation only’ offer.

Hopefully the above article is helpful.  In talking with my other widow friends, we all agree Miriam is right on!

I am also going to post this on my “Grief Tips” page.  It’s time I start developing this section.  So, stay tuned for more helpful posts from me and my other widow friends!

On the journey,

Trish