1 lump…4 surgeries…12 rounds of chem…37 rounds of radiation…Being a survivor…PRICELESS!
In May 2009, I was diagnosed with stage 3 invasive lobular breast cancer. a On June 1 I had a bilateral mastectomy. I feel blessed to be among the 84% of women to survive to 5 years. I have spent some time reading through my journal and blog posts from that time. I repeatedly posted that I felt God’s peace through the journey and I felt that God was my rock, hope and strength. He is sovereign and His ways are best. I also had tremendous support from friends and family.
Verses that ministered to me during that time and continue to be some of my favorites are:
When I am weak He (God) is strong. Proverbs 19:21
Cast your cares on The Lord and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22
I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you; “Don’t panic I’m right here to help you.” Isaiah 41:13
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
I found pages of blessings where I chose to focus on the positives instead of dwelling on the situation. “I am giving thanks today for being sore because I know the chemo is doing its thing.” “One benefit of having no hair is that it rained today and I didn’t have to worry about my hairdo!” “Cancer has been a blessing because it has caused me to stop (the crazy busy scjhedule) and assess what is important. I am not defined by what I do but by my being. I am learning to be still and know God.”
It was during my treatment that I was doing a Beth Moore study called “Daniel.” Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were thrown into the firery furnance for refusing to bow down and worship the golden image of King Nebuchadnezzar. Beth gave three different scenarios when people of God face a firey trail:
!. We can be delivered FROM the fire. When that happens our faith is built. We could have our illness removed miraculously and give God glory.
2. We can be delivered THROUGH the fire. When that happend our faith is refined. We go through the illness and emerge recovered.
3. We can be delivered BY the fire into His arms. When that happens our faith is perfected. We succumb to the illness and go into the presence of God.
I wrote “In all honesty I am not ready at this point to face scenario C.” Two years later Neal was in situation 3. He was delivered into God’s arms and his faith is perfected. I still don’t understand why some are healed and some are not. It is a mystery of God but I do know that His ways are best. I can trust Him.
I could have chosen to become bitter or angry during my illness (and beyond) but I would have been stuck and miserable. It is scarey to step out and trust God. I had to give up the idea that I was in control, that my business was a good thing, my ways were best, that God is someone that gives us what we want. In all these NO! I chose to open myself to allow God to be ruler of my life and to move freely within me to do things within me and through me. I still have my days when I want to be in control and get angry when things are hard. God loves me anyway. It is through my brokedness that God is transforming me to be used for His purposes.
I found this in my journal and I’m sorry I don’t know where it came from:
“Life is like a path. At times it is straight and smooth–at other times it turns and becomes uneven. We stay on this path because it’s here we find joy in the journey.”
God has us each on our own unique journey. He goes before us and will be with us. He will never leave us or forsake us. We don’t need to be afraid. (Deut. 31:8)
On the journey,
Trish
