Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Dale’s death. From my experience, its not good to ignore the day or Bobbie. Family that was here took Bobbie out for dinner. We shared fond memories of Dale. He was such a positive man, friendly to any one and very giving.
The death of a loved one changes your life forever. Bobbie and I have both found our self in the category of “widow.” My husband is dead but my husband is alive. I still write checks that have both of our names on it, at least until they run out. Mail still comes for Neal. I am Mrs. Neal Smith. My husband is gone. My husband remains.
Just yesterday I filled out a volunteer form and had to check the box “widow.” Every time I go to a new doctor or update a form I check the “widow”box. A constant reminder that my husband is gone yet remains.
I am a new person. I have to redefine myself. I am not defined by my past or my circumstances. Philip Yancey says in his book “Where is God When It Hurts?”that “faith believes ahead of time what can only be seen by looking back.” There will be a day when I will look back and understand, but in the waiting God is drawing me to Him, strengthening me, transforming me who He wants me to be. I am defined as a child of God, loved and forgiven. That’s what allows me to move forward and not get stuck on my circumstance or what isn’t.
God made me for a purpose. For a reason I may not yet know. I am trusting Him as I continue on my journey. “God is within her, she will not fall, God will help her at break of day.” Psalm 46.5
“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” St. Catherine of Siena
Let’s go set the world on fire!
On the journey,
Trish
Trish,
I so enjoy visiting your blog on occasions. Your words are so encouraging and uplifting and full of God’s grace even through the trials that you have experienced. We all go through trails but in different levels. I remember getting a call from the E.G. Park District on Sept 10, 2011 that said that your husband (Jack) had had a incident on the running track and the paramedics were taking them to Alexian Brothers Hospital. It turned out that he had had a cardiac arrest on the track and was out for about 6 minutes. Praise God that the paramedics were able to revive him and he is doing well. He did have a defibrillator put in and had to refrain from certain contact sports (which is hard for him to do). We are now facing the next step in our life as Jack was forced to retire from his job after 20+ years on Dec. 31 of this year. This has caused us to make some major changes in our life, but we continue to trust God through this next phase. Jack will be looking for some type of work be it full or part time. I continue to work at the church. Can you believe that I will be going on 40 years come this Nov. Can’t believe where the time has gone. I started two afternoons when Heidi was 3 and Karen was 6.
Well I just wanted to keep in touch and I will continue to pray for your journey as God takes you to new adventures and missions in your life.
God’s blessing on you
Sue