Category: Blog

My husband is dead, my husband is alive

trish1 Comment on My husband is dead, my husband is alive

Dale Smith

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Dale’s death.  From my experience, its not good to ignore the day or Bobbie.  Family that was here took Bobbie out for dinner.  We shared fond memories of Dale.  He was such a positive man, friendly to any one and very giving.

The death of a loved one changes your life forever.  Bobbie and I have both found our self in the category of “widow.” My husband is dead but my husband is alive.  I still write checks that have both of our names on it, at least until they run out.  Mail still comes for Neal.  I am Mrs. Neal Smith.  My husband is gone.  My husband remains.

Just yesterday I filled out a volunteer form and had to check the box “widow.” Every time I go to a new doctor or update a form I check the “widow”box.  A constant reminder that my husband is gone yet remains.

I am a new person.  I have to redefine myself.  I am not defined by my past or my circumstances.  Philip Yancey says in his book “Where is God When It Hurts?”that “faith believes ahead of time what can only be seen by looking back.” There will be a day when I will look back and understand, but in the waiting God is drawing me to Him, strengthening me, transforming me who He wants me to be.  I am defined as a child of God, loved and forgiven.  That’s what allows me to move forward and not get stuck on my circumstance or what isn’t.

God made me for a purpose.  For a reason I may not yet know.  I am trusting Him as I continue on my journey.  “God is within her, she will not fall, God will help her at break of day.” Psalm 46.5

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” St. Catherine of Siena

Let’s go set the world on fire!

On the journey,

Trish

Under the Snow

trishLeave a comment on Under the Snow

 

20140106_104236

Snow, snow every where snow!  Some where buried under the snow out there is my deck.  The snow is beautiful but preventing me from going out.  My roads aren’t plowed nor my driveway.  Fortunately Karsten and Collin made it back to their schools before the storms hit.  Buried inside my house here I have been cleaning.  It’s nice to have everyone home but I like it when they are gone.  I can clean and it stays clean!  I’ve done the bedding, organized, including the game closet.

closet cleaning

Behind the closet door it used to be a mess.  You’d never know unless you opened the door.  I did a good job hiding it.  We do that with our hearts.  I remember a few years ago I was going through a time of extreme stress which lead me to cry at the drop of a hat.  Neal asked me to go see the doctor to get some help.  I was sitting inside the exam room and outside the door I heard someone say, “She always looks so together.” Yah, no I wasn’t all together.  I was falling apart on the inside.

I was reading about the story of Job in the Bible.  He lost his livestock, his wealth and his family.  Job cursed the day he was born, begged for death, abandoned all hope and concluded God’s hand was against him.  He assumed incorrectly that God’s hand was against him.  BUT, he never turned his back on God or cursed him.  When we are suffering, we question God.  It seems unfair.  How could God allow bad things to happen to good people?  Let’s not forget, what was fair about sinless Jesus hanging in the cross?  That was undeserved suffering.

In the midst of Job’s suffering he had peace. (Job 19:25-27) When Job lost his prosperity, he was able to draw from his previous experiences of God’s faithfulness.  That’s what preserved his conviction stated in Job 19:25,  Ï know that my Redeemer lives!”  In the midst of Job’s circumstances, God’s peace is what kept him from destruction.

If we want God’s peace, we can’t just expect it to show up in the moment of crisis out of the blue.  God’s peace must be a regular companion.  Job 1:1-3 tells us that Job was a man who lived in Uz.  He was honest inside and out, a man of his word, who was totally devoted to God and hated evil with a passion.

We are blessed when we get our inside world- our mind and hearts- put right.  Then we can see the outside world. (Matthew 5:8)   Get our inside put right by keeping a grip on the promises of God’s Word.  They are true and never fail.  The snow will come and go but the Word of God will always remain.

Is your inside world- your mind and heart- put right?

On the journey,

Trish

snow