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Every day there are constant reminders that I am a widow. I went to see my oncologist this week for my routine check up and had to update forms. Are you single married divorced or widow? Check the appropriate box. Yuck. On a side note, I got a clean bill of health!

Since my cancer in 2009 and then Neal’s diagnosis of cancer the following year we had let the maintanence of the house go by the wayside. Neal and I didn’t have much oomph to maintain the house during our illnesses. We were focused on other things: treatments, sleep or lack of; getting to the many doctor appointments; living at the hospital; paying bills; and maintaining the dental practice. Since Neal died I have been working on getting the inside painted and other maintanence items completed, taking one project at a time. This summer the outside of the house needed some attention. The back deck had some rotted boards, the house had some rotten boards from water and woodpeckers, the front steps were rotted and the landscaping was over-grown or dead. That meant working with a contractor to redo the deck and repair the house, working with a painter to have the house painted, and working with a landscaper to redo the decking and stairs. Projects like this can seem over whelming to those of us that are widows who aren’t used to going this alone, especially when the project turns out to be a lot bigger than expected.

Once my contractor started ripping off boards to the old deck, he discovered some surprises. The boards had not been attached to the house properly with flashing. As a result, the boards on the house were moldy and rotted. Of course we caught it “just in time” as the boards could have allowed water and animals into the house. Also, the support boards in one section had sagged and needed to be completely ripped out and new boards put in.

Once the landscapers started ripping out the old stairs they discovered that the electrical going down the stairs was eroded and the wires were fried. My house was a fire waiting to happen! That meant an electrician had to come in and make sure everything was safe, take out the wiring for the stairs and rewire the light posts on the driveway.

The outside work is almost finished but not without surprises, extra expenses and headaches. It’s a sense of accomplishment that I did this on my own but at other times I feel angry that I am having to do this alone.

Last weekend, some of my widow friends and I went to a Widow’s Retreat put on by Starlight Ministries (www.starlightmin.org) at Gull Lake Ministries (www.gulllake.org). There were widows of all ages there and widows as of two months ago on up. What a sense of sisterhood. We laughed and we cried.

One of the sessions fellow widow Jolene DeHeer (www.jolenedeheer.com) shared a poignant message between the laughs and seriousness. She took us to Psalm 13 where David is lamenting to the Lord, how long…?how come…? He says to God in verse 5 “BUT I trust in your unfailing love.” All kinds of things may be happening in my life and in your life. BUT/ YET is a choice to continue to trust in God’s unfailing love. Lamentation 3:20,21 says that “I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I still dare to hope…”. Jolene challenged us to celebrate the “whatever.” Don’t focus on the negative. Think about what is good (Philippians 4:8). That gives birth to joy. Notice I didn’t say happiness because true joy is not dependent on your circumstances. It comes from believing and trusting in God.

Yep, I’m a widow. Would I have chosen this? No. But I do know that God loves me, I trust that He is in control and will use these things in my life for His plans and purposes. So, in the BUT/YET of my house I am choosing to celebrate that the wiring was caught before my house started on fire; there are no moldy rotten boards on my house to allow water or animals into the house; I don’t have to stain the back deck anymore; I now have an outdoor shower for after beach use; all the outside lights work now; the front stairs are sturdy; no splinters from the back deck; my landscaping looks fresh and healthy.

Whatever your circumstance will you choose to BUT/YET trust in God’s unfailing love for you? Will you choose to celebrate the whatever good? Sometimes it’s hard to find anything good but there is always something good to be found in the midst of the bad.

On the journey,

Trish

This summer/fall I have had the outside deck redone, landscaping and house painted. In part of the deck out back I put in a pizza oven. I quickly learned that making pizza takes practice and I needed the right tools. Before I even made pizza I read that to make the “perfect” pizza crust you need to dissolve the non-expired yeast in water with a temperature between 110-115 degrees. Let it foam for about five minutes before adding it to the flour mixture. The first time using the pizza oven I learned that I needed to assemble the pizza directly on the paddle after the dough was rolled out. I also learned that I needed corn meal to put under the dough and not flour. Flour absorbs and doesn’t allow the dough to slide off the paddle into the oven. And, don’t assemble the pizza on the kitchen counter and then try to put it on the paddle because it sticks to the counter, especially if you use flour and not corn meal underneath. The second pizza we made turned out to be a cheese blob from the sticking so we cooked it in the oven inside because it was such a mess!

First time using the pizza oven. My dad and Karsten the master chefs!

2nd pizza--stuck blob;( — 2nd pizza–stuck blob;(

We got then pizza in the oven but the wooden peel (paddle) was too thick to get underneath the pizza to turn it or to get it out. We had to use my short spatula and oven mitt from inside to try to get it out without burning ourselves.

The other thing we learned very quickly is that the temperature gage on the outside of the pizza oven was not an accurate reading of the heat inside the oven. The stone inside needs to be between 700-800 degrees to be hot enough to cook the pizza. Once it reaches that point it only takes a couple minutes to cook the pizza. The oven directions recommended getting a laser thermometer to check the temperature of the stone inside.

The fire is key to making a good pizza. It’s taking practice to get the fire started. The wood needs to be smaller logs and kindling because you start the fire in this metal cradle in the center of the pizza oven. It takes about an hour for the fire to get up to about 700-800. We have learned also that we need to watch and feed the fire otherwise it can go out. Once it’s hot enough you push the cradle with the logs and fire over to the left side of the oven. Clean off the stone inside with a wire brush with a long handle and it’s ready for the pizza.

I’m slowly gathering the correct tools to have a successful pizza party! I have since ordered a metal peel, which is thinner and easier to get under the pizza to turn it and take it out. I still use the wooden one to assemble the pizza on and to put the pizza Into the outside oven, using corn meal underneath. A laser thermometer now tells me what the inside temperature is of the pizza oven.

I still need to get longer oven mitts and pizza pans with no sides to cut the pizzas easier after they come out of the outside oven to add to my pizza tools. A larger table outside would also be helpful to assemble the pizzas close to the fire instead of walking back and forth to my kitchen.

Having the right tools is essential in getting a job done right and efficiently. How do I have the “right tools” to get through life? God has given us everything we need for life and godliness through knowing Christ and trusting in His promises.

“He gives us everything we need for life and for holy living. He gives it through His great power. As we come to know Him better, we learn that He called us to share His own shining-greatness and perfect life.” 2 Peter 1:3 NLV

Jesus calls people to trust him. Faith is taking God at His word. Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins so we could have a relationship with him. He gave his life to offer forgiveness and eternal life for me so I can surrender my life, my will, my desires to him. Following Jesus is not a set of rules, a program or a religion, something we “do.” A relationship with Jesus is key. It is through that relationship we have with Jesus that we have peace, love, truth, power, joy, wisdom, all living inside us, waiting to be unleashed by His Spirit. That is not to say that we have accessed or experienced all that God has for us. The process for accessing all the resources God has for us is through knowing Him better. Just like our earthly friendships, we get to know one another better by spending time together. We get to know God better by reading His Word, talking to Him, worshipping Him, and trusting that He knows what’s best for me and doesn’t make mistakes. As we grow in knowing God, we access experientially more and more of what God has already made available to us in Christ.

Thank you Lord that You offer all we need for holy living through Your power. May we access this wonderful tool.

On the journey,

Trish

Rain or shine, pizza rocks! — Karsten and Britton enduring the rain to give us yummy pizza!

Renovations, More Than What I Expected

Yummy Pizza