Ancient of Days

This past week I went to the dermatologist for a body check since my deductible was met for the year.  I stood there in my underwear as the doctor checked me over.  “These little bumps are maturity spots.  Looks like you like the sun.  Yep, here’s some more maturity spots….”. Yes, I am getting old.:)

Thanksgiving weekend my mother-in-law turned 90years old!  Now, that’s maturity!  The family had a big blow out party for her at her church including family lunch, family pictures, birthday cake and an open house for her friends to come share birthday wishes.

Yes, she really is 90!
Yes, she really is 90!
View More: http://maikomedia.pass.us/family-photos
The whole Smith family- 47 of us (minus one grandson, his wife and child). What a legacy!!

There are really two views on aging:  The first view is that aging is looked upon as an incurrable disease.  We try to fight it or delay it by using anti-aging creams or hiding our grey hair at the beauty salon.  Sometimes an elderly person is made to feel useless, a burden to the family or cast off.  The other view about aging is that age is beautiful.  The elderly are wise, full of experience and demand dignity and respect.  It’s all matter of perspective.

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The bible tells us to “listen to our father, who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother when she is old.” (Proverbs 23:22)  We are to show respect for the aged (Lev. 19:32), honor them (Matt. 15:4; 18:18), listen to their wisdom (Job 12:12), and pay attention to their experience (Job 8:8).  We can learn from their good qualities and experiences as well as the not so good.  Either way, it still demands we spend time with the aging, honor and listen to them.

If we honor our father and mother it is “the first command with a promise:  things will go well for you, and you will live a long life on the earth.”  (Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1-3).  According to Merriam-Webster, honor means to show high respect, esteem, courtesy, thoughtfulness, mercy and kindly deeds.  The older redwood trees in the forest are more majestic.  The older wine and cheeses are said to have better taste.  It should be said of an elderly person, the more they are to be appreciated by others.  img_0764

How can I show respect and honor to the aging people in my life?   Even on days when I am frustrated and I don’t understand their thinking.   At the end of the day, the elderly are still adults with the right to make their own decisions- even poor ones-and they are responsible for their actions (unless they are not in their right mind).  I try to understand the motivation behind the aging person’s behavior.  What are they afraid of?  Are they acting this way to feel needed or appreciated or because they are depressed or confused?  I am still called to respect and honor an aging person.  I can set some clear boundaries but what are some practical ways to show that respect and honor?  For the people I am thinking of it might mean taking over a meal, offering to get some groceries for them, taking them to an appointment, not rushing them.

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God is sometimes referred to as “The Ancient of Days.”  He existed even before days were created (Genesis 1 & John 1).  God is often represented as ancient as he is “from the beginning to end” (Psalm 90:2) and “the First and the Last” (Is. 44:6).  The title “Ancient of Days” is found three times in Scripture; Daniel 7:9, 13, 22.  It refers to the time when God the Father sends to earth a second time to establish the Kingdom of God ( Matt. 24:30; Rev. 11:15).

As we look to celebrate the time when God sent his son to earth the first time to be born to a young teenage woman, let’s remember the Ancient of Days in the hustle and bustle.  He was, is, and will always be worthy of honor and praise.  This Ancient One was, is, and will be in control.

How can you show respect and honor to the aging people in your life during this holiday season and every day?  How can you show respect and honor to The Ancient of Days, whose kingdom shall not pass away?  Blessing and honor, glory and power be unto the Ancient of Days.

On the journey,

Trish

Tips to Help a Widow

I mentioned a couple weekends ago I had attended a widows retreat sponsored by Starlight Ministries.  One of the speakers was author Miriam Neff, a widow herself.  Her ministry www.widowconnection.com. is committed to “helping widows in time of need.”  Her website is full of helpful articles and stories.  I would like to share one such article I found especially helpful for those of you who wonder how to help us widows.

7 Tips to Help a Widow by Miriam Neff:

  1.  Please do stay connected.  There is already a huge hole in our universe.  Do not assume we need ‘space’ to grieve.
  2. Please do say you are sorry for our lose.  We would rather you tell us you do not know what to say than to tell us your story of loosing your friend or even close relative.  We may be able to listen to your story later, but not now.  Do not tell us you understand.
  3. Do call and ask specifically, “Can we go for a walk together?  May I run errands for you?  Meet you for coffee?”  Don’t say, “Call me if you need anything.”
  4. Do refer to our husband’s acts or words – serious or humorous.  Do not leave our husbands out of the conversation.
  5. Invite us to anything.  We may decline but will appreciate being asked.  Do not assume we no longer want to participate in couple events.  ( I would add, do not make decisions for us.  Let us decide if we want to attend a function or not.)
  6. Do accept that we are where we are.  Marriages are brief, long, healthy, dysfunctional, intense, remote.  Death comes suddenly or in tiny increments over years.  Again our experiences are so different, as we are.  So is our journey through grief.  Do not assume we go through the outlined grief process ‘by the book.’
  7. Walk the talk.  Do not make ‘conversation only’ offers.  “We’ll call you and will go out for dinner.” – and then not follow up.  Yes, we are sensitive in our grieving, but we’d rather hear you say, “I’ve been thinking about you”, than make a ‘conversation only’ offer.

Hopefully the above article is helpful.  In talking with my other widow friends, we all agree Miriam is right on!

I am also going to post this on my “Grief Tips” page.  It’s time I start developing this section.  So, stay tuned for more helpful posts from me and my other widow friends!

On the journey,

Trish